Ugly Inside

Ever have something happen in which

all you want to do is nothing at all?

Except, its impossible.

You dont want to lay,

You don't want to watch tv,

You don't want to read,

You don't want to listen to your favorite music.

You certainly don't want to make art.

You want to scream and cry,

and yet...you stare at a wall?

This happened to me last week.

After staring at my wall and feeling only worse,

I decided I would take a piece of paper

and a pen and scribble (literally) out my thoughts.

Lots of swearing.

Lots of writing about how I kind of hate myself.

Pity party to the max.

Then, I forced myself to put it down in my journal.

I knew by throwing paint all over it

and being as angry and self-hating in the form of art

would make me feel better.

This wasn't easy, mind you...but I had few options.

Layer one. If you look closely you can see my writing.

I needed crimson and black, and scraped it furiously on the page.

A few more layers later...

The finished product, many layers later.

I wish you could really see all the colors that shine through.

I used all of my "ugly" colors, because that is how I feel.