A finished painting

 

(edit: I took a better picture of this!)

This picture is a little blurry, but I F-I-N-A-L-L-Y

finished a painting for somebody else other than me.

I've had half done paintings just sitting,

letting fear overriding everything else.

I am still struggling, but had a nice talk with a friend the other day

and she demanded that I finish a painting!

She suggested that I treat paintings I make for other people

(and this is just family)

like I would if I were just "playing" in my art journal.

I let the fear of it not being good enough halt my creativity.

This is the watercolor before I added the ink.

A better representation of what it looks like.

I hated this painting for awhile.

I knew it needed more, but didn't know what.

Last night with a fresh state of mind I decided to Play.

I can't say this will always work, my Fear is great.

But I like the end result, and it got me out of my head.

(and into my heart!) teehehe.

A detail shot from my Music Book.

I played with gel and texture.

The lyrics by Ray LaMontagne, who speaks directly to my soul.

I get so tired staring at the walls,

weight so heavy and that mountain so tall.

Is there no one who will catch me if I fall?

Its more than I can take and wish I could fake it

or pretend like I don't know whats going on.

Somethings wrong, I'm trying to hold on,

just a little longer.

Thank you all for your support and encouragement on my last post.

I may not always write back, but I read them all, and each makes me smile.

Art Mentor

I have a wonderful, wonderful family.

A few weeks ago my aunt, who lives in NYC

and is a New Yorker in every way possible

AND works with artists as her career,

e-mailed me.

The title: "Art Mentor."

I was intrigued, and she basically said that she

has decided that I need an art mentor if I am going to sell my work...

(she holds steadfast to that about me, even if I don't)

She told me to stop doing my art journal pages

on both sides, basically told me that I need to get my shit together,

and that she was sending me a book to read.

I laughed as I read it, and wrote her back telling her she was QUITE bossy,

so now I am calling her Dictator MB.

A couple of days ago, I received this book.

I am about halfway through it and unsure how I feel about it.

It most definitely is interesting to read about artists

and the people who inspire them, especially Lewis Carroll.

Except, I don't know how this is going to inspire ME.

I wrote my aunt today telling her my thoughts so far,

and she wrote back "Its ok not to feel it.

What I want you to get from this is that you need inspiration,

to allow yourself to be eccentric if needed, or at least

be selfish about doing your art. You don't have to relate to any of them

but you do have to start immersing yourself in the pursuit of art.

So sayeth, MB"

I love this woman! Wise words, huh?

Also, my Nonni (my aunt's mom) is COMMISSIONING me!

Ok, so its my grandmother...but STILL. 

It is quite a project she has bestowed on me.

My family has gone through some rough times this past year,

and she said The Aunts (her 4 daughters) motto is "Onward,"

and she wants me to paint each of them a painting with

that word on it, and signed by me. lol.

She has explicitly stated that I am to keep track of how much

it costs for supplies and my worth because it is not an argument:

it is a sale.

I have some bossy women in my family!

I love, love love all my aunts.

They have all been mother figures for me in many different ways all my life.

This is such an honor.

Now if I can actually finish a project for another person, we'll be all set.

I have about a zillion unfinished projects that are for other people.

I can't do it. Fear? Probably.

And she wants this done in time so she can mail them for Christmas.

EEP!!!!!!

Help! I need inspiration, a kick in the ass, hugs, motivation....belief.

Oh, now that I've rambled for so long (sorry), here are a few things I 

have done in the past few days.

Oh Music Book, I've forgotten all about you.

You've sat on the shelf, sad and dusty.

Don't worry, I didn't completely forget--I have just been having a hard time.

Forgive me?

This is the first "piece" I have done in quite some time.

And in just a couple of evenings.

Record time.

I was browsing through Flickr and was inspired by

Bostinstuff's awesome work, which led me to Rettgrayson's awesome work.

Oh, the joys of Flickr!

Inspired by their use of color, and grid formatting

and a spontaneous idea to try and draw umbrellas (?)

this is what I came up with.

I needed it to be light and simple, so I took out my watercolor crayons.

Just a plain pencil and watercolor crayons and I kinda like it.

I am hoping oh so much that I am crawling out of that black hole.

I kinda need to...I've got family members bossing me around over here!

So please...I need some motivation and inspiration and belief that

I can pull off these paintings for my family.

I won!!!

I N-E-V-E-R win anything.

I seriously have the worst luck in the entire world.

I entered in my story of struggling with art

at A Little Imagination and a Pile of Junk to win a copy of

War of Art by Steven Pressfield.

And I won!

 I also got a wonderful halloween-themed card from

Eden, thanking me for support on her blog.

To me, it is not needed. She is amazing.

Her art is amazing!

Maybe this will help me out of my serious slump I'm in.

I've mostly been sleeping a lot.

I hope you stick around.

War of Art

I've heard about this book from quite a few

respected bloggers, and also the title just captures me.

I think of art a war for me.

It is a constant battle to believe I'm worthy, creative...etc.

I feel like I'm on a losing streak. 

Then Little Black Kitty (don't let the name fool you!)

posted a giveaway for this book.

Synchronicity at its best.

Plus she has the same exact music taste as me,

and well...that is always a bonus :)

So go over there and enter yourself to win this book!

(Or not, so I can...hehe)

PS: Thank you for your concern...I'm still in a rough spot,

and only time will tell how well I deal.

If I am away too long, feel free to come 

kick me in the ass.

Ugly Inside

Ever have something happen in which

all you want to do is nothing at all?

Except, its impossible.

You dont want to lay,

You don't want to watch tv,

You don't want to read,

You don't want to listen to your favorite music.

You certainly don't want to make art.

You want to scream and cry,

and yet...you stare at a wall?

This happened to me last week.

After staring at my wall and feeling only worse,

I decided I would take a piece of paper

and a pen and scribble (literally) out my thoughts.

Lots of swearing.

Lots of writing about how I kind of hate myself.

Pity party to the max.

Then, I forced myself to put it down in my journal.

I knew by throwing paint all over it

and being as angry and self-hating in the form of art

would make me feel better.

This wasn't easy, mind you...but I had few options.

Layer one. If you look closely you can see my writing.

I needed crimson and black, and scraped it furiously on the page.

A few more layers later...

The finished product, many layers later.

I wish you could really see all the colors that shine through.

I used all of my "ugly" colors, because that is how I feel.

Drawing Practice...

Want to see awful drawings?

I thought so.

I have been taking the lessons over at the

Wet Canvas Forums...

and its hard work,

and I suck!

reference photo (taken by me)

Actual drawing

first of all, horrible photo.

it is so blurry because i took it at night, indoors.

second of all, not one die is the same shape!!

third of all, the shading is atrocious

fourth of all, even though I wrote out all the lines so they hit the Vanishing Line,

there are a couple that are clearly incorrect.

I could go on, but I won't.

Ahh the (blurry, again) Chair Picture

I wrote my indiscretions right on the wall!

I really am struggling with posting this one, mainly because of its bluriness

Attempt one at drawing boxes in perspective.

The middle box is all sorts of messed up,

so I was asked to do it again!

There it is, again.

I was sick of these damn boxes, so I simplified it.

The perspective is at least correct.

Easier to understand in theory vs putting into practice.

 Ok, so I am editing this to say I wrote this

during a "pity party" moment!

Ha. I want to delete it, but I won't.

No one can be good all the time, right?

Free Art Course?

WIllow is offering a free art course!

I actually just found her through other bloggers

and her ning site looks pretty awesome.

You should take a look,

the course starts on Oct 18th

While we are checking out online classes,

I can't reccomend Julie Prichard's classes enough.

Her new one  Texture Town looks awesome.

I just have to find money! 

Since I don't know how to embed youtube video,

click on the link below to watch a preview.

Julie and Chris: Texture Town

Linky Love

Hi folks!

I am slowly working on some stuff,

but in the meantime, I thought I'd post some of my

favorite posts from other blogs I frequent :)

Barb at Craft Therapy

and

Janet at Just Me and My Art

talk about depression and art slumps.

Both of these topics I hold close to my heart.

I know the creative ride goes through its highs and lows,

but it can feel damaging, like it will never end.

Much like depression.

Trudi at Two Dresses Studio is doing an awesome project;

The Butterfly Effect. Go read and find out what it is.

I plan on doing it.

Are you an innerpreneur? (Click to find out!)

When you don't FEEL like being positive!

Creative Intentions at Courageously Creating

talks about Creativity and your health.

Hmm....there seems to be a theme in these links...

Hope you enjoy

Want to learn how to draw?

If you've been reading this blog at all,

you'll notice that I am on a quest to learn how to draw.

I don't have any extra money right now, so I have checked out books

from the library, did some free online tutorials.

These all helped. 

It has given me enough confidence to think that maybe

I can actually maybe do it!!!

But, I keep running up against problems.

Perspective. It is DIFFICULT.

I ran across the Wet Canvas Forums a few days ago.

Oh my god! The information there!!

The best thing? (Well, I think so anyway!)

The Drawing Classroom

It is an entire forum split up into lessons, each dedicated to their own thread.

Each class has its own downloadable PDF!

It is still an active forum, and the people running it

are informative and friendly.

I just started the first lesson today.

I printed out the first few lessons, and put them

in a handy dandy binder.

Just an example of how ALREADY it is helping me...

A kleenex box I drew a little over a week ago

The most frustrating part for me was I could not understand

how to get the angles right. It drove me batty! So I gave up.

 The same Kleenex box, drawn tonight.

Ok, so there is still a lot wrong with it...hehe,

but it is in PERSPECTIVE.

Ahh, glorious! 

I can't wait to join in on the discussion in these classes.

Some were started quite some time ago, but I'm not worried.

Will you come join?

Works in Progress

I've spent the last week or two ruminating

on some ideas, and thinking about

how I want their final output to look like.

I'm still ruminating, but I have at least started

sketches! 

Have a look see at my beginning stages.

You may notice each one is in a completely

different journal/paper type.

:)

This is the biggest size, 9x12 I believe.

What hopefully will be a birthday present for my dad.

Inspired by a painting I saw in my boss's house whilst babysitting.

 This little sketch (in my Sketchbook Project) was inspired by some

Sarah McLachlan lyrics.

I plan on using watercolor in some fashion.

And this little bugger is inspired by

my favorite little guy that I babysit for.

He likes Legos.

I hope this turns out as nicely as I have it pictured in my head.

I practiced the letter drawings on tracing paper,

an idea stolen from Andrea Joseph.

Except, if I were to transfer it onto the paper,

the letters would have been put on backwards!

DUH!

After some thought (I spent nearly two hours doing this...)

I decided to just cut the letters out and glue it right to the page.

It quickly answered what medium I was going to use;

Acrylics.

It would be hard to do watercolor or pen over gel mediumed 

tracing paper.

Acrylics, I hope I still know how to use you!

As you may see, I'm still on the quest to

learn to draw.

Just keep practicing.

Stay tuned for (hopefully) some finished products.

ArtFest 2011: Should I do it?

(logo borrowed from teeshamoore.com)

Should I do it?

Registration was due about 3 weeks ago, but it seems there are still spaces available.

Its SO expensive, and a $300 deposit is due with registration.

Its on the opposite side of the country.

I'd know no one.

It seems amazing and exciting and filled with lots of learning.

Watercolor Practice, drawing practice

Ok, so this cloud picture has nothing to do with my post.

I just like it :)

I took it on the way back to VA from Kansas a few weeks ago.

I've had my hand in dabbling in a few different things:

I am enamored with watercolors at the moment,

I still want to practice developing my drawing skills,

I am still working (slowly) on my Sketchbook.

My poor art journal is very lonely, 

but I know I will get back to it eventually.

Tonight I practiced and played with my watercolors.

I love the softness and flow of watercolors,
the way the colors just bleed into each other.
UPDATED: I want to make a note, that the paper I re-bound my sketchbook with
is Rives BK paper, which I believe is a printmaking paper.
It is so soft and smooth, but the way it takes watercolors is beyond stupendous.
The colors just melt into the paper effortlessly, mix and mingle.
Pure joy.
I also am trying to keep on working on my Sketchbook.

Not every page is a finished "piece."
I am documenting my Journey through this little art thing
I got going on; my take on In Flight.

I babysat my boss's kid last week,
and used that opportunity to practice some drawing skills.

 The top picture I am trying to realistically draw some wood grain.
It takes patience and diligience!
You can see I gave up after awhile.
The second picture is something I sketched from
a painting hanging on my boss's wall.
I love her painting, and this is my take on it.
I have started a larger drawing
to turn into a painting of my own for my dad's upcoming birthday.
I just can't decide if I want to do watercolor or acrylics.
Hmmm....
Last, but not least...a little "doodle" practice.
I am a horrible, awful, no good, terrible doodler.
I can not just sit and let my mind wander and draw aimlessly.
I need ideas, patterns, something concrete.
So, I drew some doodles from all sorts of places for inspiration,
mainly flickr.

 I do love sepia pens though :)

Playing in my art journal again

And it feels wonderful

Playing with my watercolors. 

I have been inspired (again) by Geninne's amazing watercolors.

There is so much to learn.

How does she make the colors swirl so gorgeously?

I also joined in on Michelle Ward's 44th Crusade.

I have painted by scraping with a card or palette knife

many times, but it was the perfect prompt

to get me back in my art journal.

What I started with:

pre-painted page and my scraping devices.

Many layers later, I ended up with this:

I scraped on paint,

sprayed water and dabbed off.

Scraped on more paint, dabbed water...

repeat.

At the end I added in some birdie masks

with some spray ink.

Now this page is just waiting for some journaling!

Next up was an art project with the kids I babysit for.

I love these kids, so last night I made them little

books out of recycled cereal boxes and extra moleskine paper

from my Sketchbook Project rebinding.

I decided it would be fun to have them design their own stamps,

and I would cut them out. 

Max, who's 6, wrote out the "I love you Mama and Mommi"

How cute is that?!

It is such an EASY thing to do if you have kids.

I also think how it is a permanent reminder

of them stuck in time.

All I did was have them draw in pencil 

whatever they wanted on tracing paper.

We then flipped over the paper onto the rubber,

gently rubbed the back of the paper to transfer the graphite,

and then drew over the design in Sharpie.

I cut out the stamps while they painted their book covers.

I love it. 

MEGA Post

Hello blogger friends!

I am back from KC, and have mostly finished

my pages that I worked on during my mini-vacation.

I actually brought my sketchbook with me

almost everywhere we went.

I was nervous.

This was the first time I've been exposed

in my art making.

Sure, I've posted stuff online,

but it isn't the same as actually doing it in front of people.

(hold those dirty thoughts!)

They are only my favorite people,

and yet I was almost embarassed.

What if they made fun of me for being an art dork?

What if they didn't like what I was doing?

What if they didn't even care?

Ahh!

Hello insecurities, nice to see you.

But, I did it.

I told them right off the bat that this sketchbook was

going to be traveling with me all weekend,

and it was ok.

Whew!

Now...onto the pictures.

Enjoy :)

This isn't finished yet.

I want to color the letters and finish coloring the plane

Detail.

I like trying to figure out the art of cross-hatching with a ballpoint

This spread isn't finished either.

The checkerboard needs to be colored in,

and on the right side, I need to finish the background coloring.

Close up.

Definitely my favorite shading with cross-hatching to date.

Oklahoma Joe's banner with some doodles (that need to be colored)

Apparently this is the #1 BBQ place in the US,

and #13 in the world, according to Anthony Bourdain.

Delicious food.

I saw this, and how can you NOT draw it!

We only went to the outdoor part of the museum

that had the gigantic shuttlecocks on display.

Yes, my friends and I went cuz its funny.

*insert dirty thoughts here*

Doing some slow journaling (a la Daisy Yellow)

from a relaxing day.

We played cards.

I really like this page.

True Story.

Creepy neighbor came into my friend's backyard

because we were screaming as we killed the world's GROSSEST SPIDER.

We told her that we were fine, we just killed a really big spider.

"How lame," she says...about 5 times.

The next day, we wake up to find 2 construction paper

spiders taped to the front door!!!!

HOW LAME!

Some pages aren't quite done, but I couldn't wait any longer to post.

I feel like I'm being a traitor and ignoring my art journal.

I also am already sad I'm going to have to give this

sketchbook up in January.

In Flight: A mini vacation

Hey folks!

Me and my Sketchbook are flying off to Kansas

for an extended weekend with friends.

Oh, how I need this break from work.

I hope to come back refreshed and full of drawings from my Sketchbook.

But, probably not...because I will end up just enjoying

my time with friends.

I shall leave you with some new blogs that I've found recently.

Hope you enjoy :)

Lisa Lights a Fire: Awesome artwork/doodles

Journals and Sketchbooks: Exactly what it sounds like :)

Flora Bowley: Her blog is new, but her art...oh my. Gorgeous use of color

Louise Gale: Another feast for the eyes

Sue Doodles: Dooldle-icious

First 3 pages of The Sketchbook

I F-I-N-A-L-L-Y started on my Sketchbook!

That little blurred out bit is my blog address, 

which is for my family.

I don't want everyone in my family seeing this blog.

This is the first page.

I debated long and hard on how I wanted to use the theme In Flight.

I eventually came up with the idea

of how a tiny (not so pretty) caterpillar

transforms itself into a beautiful and colorful butterfly.

I feel as if I'm that little caterpillar

and hope to one day become a butterfly;

through my art.

Oh, how I worked ALL DAY on this!

There is still a lot wrong with it,

but you know what?

I think I've come quite a ways 

from just a month or two ago in my drawing abilities.

I'm proud of what I did!

I hope you all enjoy this journey I'm on.