Not much art going on...
Just wanted to send a quick update
so you all don't think I dropped off blogland-I haven't!
I just have been stuck.
I think it is a combination of my stupid work schedule,
actually feeling things (unpleasant things) in therapy
(I hate feeling!!!!),
depression rearing its stupid head,
and way too much sleep.
Lets just say that this weekend all I did was sleep,
and then go to work. At 5pm.
I even cancelled my weekly babysitting gig,
the one thing that makes me truly happy is seeing those kids.
But I had bad dreams all night, and at some point took out
my mouthguard thingy used to prevent clenching of my teeth.
I woke up with my entire face feeling swollen, my teeth/jaw aching,
and a headache. Not to mention exhausted...at 10:00am.
TOO EARLY FOR ME.
I am a night person, but working at 1pm I don't think is good for me.
I can not get out of bed in the mornings to do anything.
I am lucky to be awake at 11. Usually 11:30-12:00.
I don't go to the gym, or get out of bed.
Then I get home late at night, don't eat dinner
because who wants to cook that late?
And stay up until 2ish, in which I eventually take an ambien.
I'm sorry if this is an overshare, but I feel constantly guilty
that I can't get myself to do anything--especially artwork.
I feel like I'm letting myself down, but also my readers.
You know, all 4 of you :)
The one nice thing about working late is that I have many hours
to do art, except it obviously can't be painting.
I've avoided that, but tonight I did work on my colored pencil project.
The magazine ad which inspired me
First work in progress
Second work in progress
Colored pencil is such a slow medium if you want to do it well,
and I am trying to do it well!
I picked a difficult picture to try out for my first time...
but so far I haven't gotten discouraged.
This is all I can manage to do.
I just am so frustrated/mad at myself because creating art
is the first and only thing that I truly love.
Yet, I run from any commitments,
struggle with creating artwork for anyone--which has only been my family,
and have zero discipline/motivation.
I feel as if I will never ever make this more than a hobby.
I don't think or expect to really be an Artist and make tons of money,
but maybe find a little niche somewhere.
How can that happen when I can barely do it for myself?