Sketchbook Project 2012

Hi folks,
I've had a rough few months, but maybe see a tiny light poking
through the murky darkness I've been in.
What shocked me into realizing how much I was
spiraling was almost losing my job.
I've been at this company for 6.5 years.
I like everyone I work with, and it is a very good company
to work for overall.
I got written up TWICE in one week.
I have never been written up.
I cried and cried in my boss's office.
I thought that I was going to be out of a job,
and it scared the shit out of me.
My boss asked if I was suicidal (eep!!!)
She came and met with my therapist.
My boss is amazing.
She somehow believed in me when I couldn't.
She was willing to fight for me, stick with me,
when I could have been fired a long time ago.
I owe my life to her--and I mean that pretty literally.
So, for those who have been kind and sweet and
waited patiently for me to return, I thank you.
From the bottom of my heart.
I am oh so slowly starting to feel like doing art again.
Little things, in small increments.
Therapy has been a catalyst in inspiring me.
Listening to U2's "Running to Stand Still,"
(the entire song speaks to me)
I was inspired to paint this.
I brought it into therapy, and it took until the last 2 minutes
to show it. 
You know, its scary to show these vulnerable parts of you,
even if it is in painting form.
I explained that the river is the journey I'm on.
Its bumpy, and sort of dark.
The dark cloud pouring rain is how I feel most of the time.
And yet, at the bottom is this curious little bit.
Hearts. Hope. Light.
I originally was only going to do a small heart,
but ended up with three.
My therapist loved it.
She noticed how the hearts are connected,
that they may be smaller than the cloud,
but they still are a big part of the painting.
That the rain(tears) change once it hits the river.
Its funny how other people see what you do so differently.
My Nonni said that it is a bit "scary," but also       
  hopeful, like going from the unconscious to the conscious.

And, now onto the title of my post!
I gave up on my 2011 sketchbook, but I learned a lot.
I learned that I needed to pick a solid theme,
one where I knew I could keep a running idea throughout it.
"In Flight" didn't really work for me.
It was too broad, and I just did a hodgepodge of drawings.
Art House just announced the 2012 Sketchbook Project!!!
I now can pick out of any of the topics.
I now have a better idea of what I want/can do.
I now have more time to accomplish the project.
So, I signed up.
I'm proud of myself. I didn't deem myself a failure
because I didn't finish last year's.
I took it as a learning experience.
I am willing to try again.
If I don't finish it, then I don't.
But, I am starting 4 months earlier than before,
and I have a topic that I think suits me perfectly:
Fears and Tears
#1: I immediately thought of Tears for Fears, you know, the band
#2: This couldn't speak to what I am going through more perfectly.
I have so many fears, and the tears, well they come along with the territory.
What a great adjunct to therapy this will be.
I hope so at least.


  1. I am so touched by the story of your boss reaching out and helping you, Dawn. It just gives hope.
    I am glad that some of the light is filtering in on you and helping you start to shine again. I know from my own experiences what getting some of the bad and the good out in artwork can do. I hope you get that benefit too.
    Sending love and light your way, Beautiful One.

  2. thanks so much for your post- I to have been having a hard time and have not posted for a while it's nice to see others as they put thier life back together and carry on- you are a wonderful example. I just started posting again this week and using my photos and maybe someday soon I'll be able to show my more personal paintings

  3. welcome back, sweet gal! i'm glad that you can see light at the end of the tunnel.....even it it's a tiny spot, it still counts! and as you grow stronger each day with the help, love and support of those around you, that tiny light will grow larger and larger! your painting is fabulous.....i'm glad that you've found healing through your artwork! you go girl!! xox

  4. Thinking of you and sending your light and love in your dark place. I am learning from experience how much help from friend in the "holding on" process can be !
    Thanks for the blog love today.
    Hugs, Lovely One !
    btw if you ever need to vent or talk about your favorite new tune, feel free to send me an email, anytime ! kdebroin@comcast.net

  5. I wish you to success in this project. And i hope you will receive a good appreciation.
    Buy Domain