I'm still in the dredges of crap, and haven't done much of anything,
BUT, thank you everyone who posts comments.
I don't always (ok...rarely) reply back,
but its not because I don't care.
Its because I'm lazy!!
I read all of the comments, and they make me smile.
So, know you ARE appreciated.
Just wanted to send a quick update
so you all don't think I dropped off blogland-I haven't!
I just have been stuck.
I think it is a combination of my stupid work schedule,
actually feeling things (unpleasant things) in therapy
(I hate feeling!!!!),
depression rearing its stupid head,
and way too much sleep.
Lets just say that this weekend all I did was sleep,
and then go to work. At 5pm.
I even cancelled my weekly babysitting gig,
the one thing that makes me truly happy is seeing those kids.
But I had bad dreams all night, and at some point took out
my mouthguard thingy used to prevent clenching of my teeth.
I woke up with my entire face feeling swollen, my teeth/jaw aching,
and a headache. Not to mention exhausted...at 10:00am.
TOO EARLY FOR ME.
I am a night person, but working at 1pm I don't think is good for me.
I can not get out of bed in the mornings to do anything.
I am lucky to be awake at 11. Usually 11:30-12:00.
I don't go to the gym, or get out of bed.
Then I get home late at night, don't eat dinner
because who wants to cook that late?
And stay up until 2ish, in which I eventually take an ambien.
I'm sorry if this is an overshare, but I feel constantly guilty
that I can't get myself to do anything--especially artwork.
I feel like I'm letting myself down, but also my readers.
You know, all 4 of you :)
The one nice thing about working late is that I have many hours
to do art, except it obviously can't be painting.
I've avoided that, but tonight I did work on my colored pencil project.
The magazine ad which inspired me
First work in progress
Second work in progress
Colored pencil is such a slow medium if you want to do it well,
and I am trying to do it well!
I picked a difficult picture to try out for my first time...
but so far I haven't gotten discouraged.
This is all I can manage to do.
I just am so frustrated/mad at myself because creating art
is the first and only thing that I truly love.
Yet, I run from any commitments,
struggle with creating artwork for anyone--which has only been my family,
and have zero discipline/motivation.
I feel as if I will never ever make this more than a hobby.
I don't think or expect to really be an Artist and make tons of money,
but maybe find a little niche somewhere.
How can that happen when I can barely do it for myself?
Two days in a row of posting!?
I don't know if its because I realized how much
I've been neglecting my art,
or the fact that I got up early today because of therapy,
OR because it was a good therapy session...
Either way, I came home and painted some more.
I looked through my very first art journal pages
and while I had less artistic knowledge,
they radiated true emotion and beauty.
Its been a LONG time since I've done that kind of art.
I think I miss it, and I think it was good for me.
So I hung up some of my old pages.
Sorry for the blurry pics, but my room isn't lit well
and I was too lazy to use a tripod. :)
It is wonderful to be surrounded by your own work,
work that inspires you, makes you smile when you see it.
If you haven't hung up your work (and obviously I did nothing fancy,
just used masking tape on old pages!), DO IT.
You won't regret it.
It seems all I want to do lately
is huddle under my covers
and do nothing.
The cold, gray days,
The fact that my (30th!!!!!) birthday is in a few days,
and my work schedule being all wacky, has gotten me in a funk.
I just would rather sleep than deal with life,
and my poor baby art journal has suffered.
In fact I haven't opened my paints
in over a month!
Maybe because it was 65 and sunny,
Maybe because I told myself all day I
WOULD paint tonight...either way,
I busted them out.
I was inspired by a lyric the other day and
actually felt like I wanted to put that image in my art journal.
Here is a pencil sketch in my moleskine.
My art journal page is in the making, so stay tuned!
In other news, I finally ordered Andrea's 'Zine.
This is just a small glimpse of her work.
The zine is just filled with awesome drawings,
words and colors. I seriously could pore over it
with a magnifying glass (and it is needed, since there are teeny tiny words)
for hours. I am so glad I have her work that I can
just flip to whenever I want to be awed.
This is sort of a horrible picture, because the left side
is super light, and that is where the light is,
and the right side is dark (and more blue).
BUT, I saw this ad in a magazine and just knew
I needed to try and draw it.
Why do I feel compelled to draw these detailed things?
I perservered, and erased...and erased, but came up
with a sketch I liked.
Then I thought that this was a perfect drawing
to really try out colored pencils.
Like, serious trying...no willy nilly coloring!
I transferred my sketch onto tracing paper,
and transferred that onto Bristol Vellum paper.
I've done extensive colored pencil research because it fascinates me,
and Vellum is a cheap and good paper to use with CP's.
Colored pencils is a s-l-o-w medium.
This part you see? A good hour and a half!
And I am just a baby beginner...but it is fun
and so different than any other medium I use.
I have to consciously think of my color choices
ahead of time, layer very lightly,
layer some more...
and then some more.
I thought this would be fun because of the lack of colors.
It is overwhelming when you have an entire rainbow
of colors at your hand, but don't really know how to use them.
This just requires grays, dark blues and white.
So, keep watching for updates on this.
That is, if I can get out of my winter blues