Experimenting with Watercolors

First off: Thank you so much for your support
I took everyone's advice and just created.
I surrounded myself with my favorite supplies
(that can be done in front of the tv...not ready to paint yet)
I was inspired by Daisy Yellow 
Check out her blog!
Its awesome!
and her Cityscapes, so I decided to just doodle.
I created some rectangles and tried to free my mind.
I am making a concerted effort to try and doodle more,
because I suck at it! 
 It is getting easier to just draw whatever comes to mind
I didn't think it would
I scoffed that I could let myself just go.
Well, I was wrong :)
It does get easier the more you do it
Next, I experimented with my watercolors
I've had them for awhile, but always went to the acrylic paint.
Truth be told, watercolors intimidate me
Last night I decided (with everyone's kind words in my mind)
to just put the paint to the paper.
I have much to learn, but it was FUN
Yay :)


Finding the meaning

I know that I've been struggling
the past few months.
Minus the painting I made my family,
I haven't painted or created much of anything.
Now I find myself questioning all of this.
I ALWAYS get excited about something,
immerse myself in it, and then it just tapers off.
I was so happy when months passed 
and I was still excited and happy
to be creating "art."
I found inspiration in blogs, nature, books.
I wanted to learn more, expand my wings.
I even thought maybe one day I would find myself
through art.
Maybe this is where I wanted to carve a niche for my life.
A tiny, tiny light let in a dark tunnel.
Now I am afraid it was all silly.
A game I was telling myself.
I am average, always have been.
I am not doing anything exceptional, or anything that matters.
What to do?


RIP Uncle Mike

My uncle passed away monday night
due to pancreatic cancer.
He got diagnosed in October.
He was doing so well with chemo,
and then he wasn't...and slid down hill rapidly.

He and my aunt have been married longer than I've been alive
 and I have two amazing cousins.
I can't fathom their pain,
and it breaks my heart.
I am driving up to NY to be with them this weekend..
I love you, Aunt Deb, Annabeth and Joshie.

This painting is for them
"You will always be with me, like a handprint on my heart"


Still here

Hi, friends.
I'm still here, but still struggling.
I've pulled out my pens for some aimless
doodling (something that does NOT come natural to me),
but thats about it. I think my desk is dusty.
It still is taking all my effort 
to go to work each day. 
My uncle has advanced pancreatic cancer,
and is in a medically induced coma.
He is not expected to make it through the week.
I am so, so sad.
For my aunt, for my cousins.
For my family.
Update: Uncle Mike passed away tonight.
I have no words for the sadness.
Love to my family


Like Quicksand

This is how I am feeling lately,
like I am dragging my body through quicksand
just to make it through work.
I have no energy or desire to do anything creative.
I hit a low last night after a very long and
stressful day at work.
I hope I can make i through the next
month or so.
I hope you lovely blog friends will
still be here if I ever get out of this
hole i'm in.