I L-O-V-E to learn. I have always enjoyed being in school, and spend lots of time
researching things that interest me. The newest being art, of course. Last night as I made
yet another hideous journal page, it made me want to learn even more! Weird. Usually I get
frustrated when I can't do something, or when I hit a wall of how far I can go.
This is usually the breaking point for me. I have not had very many interests and
hobbies growing up. Whenever people asked what I liked to do I shrugged and
was like "Umm..I don't know.
I like to read." That was my default answer. What kind of hobby is reading! 

A few years ago I got into photography, and I still enjoy it, but hit a wall
probably about a year ago. I live in a small town and feel like I've explored it all to
take pictures. I've already taken about 10 million pictures of my cat.
What else is there? I have not felt confident enough
to take a class, so my learning curve for photography has hit a sort of plateau. 

I've been doing this art stuff for 8 months now. A newbie. It has been immensely and
thoroughly joyful for me, as well as a big hit on ye olde checking account. Woops.
My art stuff has taken over my bedroom, and sometimes infiltrates into
the living or dining room. My dad so sweetly sends me gift cards to DickBlick to
keep me supplied. (I love him!)
I am constantly pouring through blogs to learn, buy books ocassionally and just wish I knew how to be PERFECT and TALENTED!

Its not too much to ask for, is it? :)

Even though I have no confidence in myself or my abilities, I still am urged onward and
upward. I still will take any course Julie Prichard offers, maybe take an art class in town
and just see where it goes. 

I have never had a dream. 

I have never wanted to be anything.


When I look at my future, it is blank. 

There is a tiny, oh so tiny flicker of illumination in that blank field. 

Maybe it can be filled with art somehow?

I feel like I am cursing myself. I now maybe have a dream? Passion?
What that means to me? Now I have a reason to FAIL at it. 

Now that I have found something I really love doing, it will always be just a hobby.
For the first months of me painting, I always told myself "Just going to do some crafts.
Just throw some paint on paper. Anyone can do it."

While it is true, anyone CAN do it, it does take more than a paintbrush and
paint to make art.

Only recently have I been able to say to myself "I am making artwork." 

Even to myself, that is an accomplishment. 

Baby steps.

If you read this, thanks. I needed to get that off my chest and out in blogworld.
I have no new art journal pages to show (since they've all been so hideous), but here
is Jack bathing at my art table.


  1. Well, I must say you learned Photography very well! Wonderful picture, the light and composition are beautiful!

    I can relate to your words about Art...I think the nice thing is that there are so MANY dimensions to Art....there's painting, drawing, sculpting, fabrics, color, photography. You won't be bored again!!

    I think that's great that you're taking art classes. I really want to find one in my town that I can walk into....cuz I feel that at this stage for me a more hands on approach may get me over some of my hesitancy on certain tasks.

    I'm another perpetual student too! Here's to us PERPETUAL LEARNERS!!

  2. i wish i could tell you how many hideous journal pages i have!! i'm always second-guessing what i'm doing, wondering if my art is any good. i think that we're all looking for the secret to "perfect and talented"....and the great thing about blogland is that whoever finds it first will probably share it with everyone else!! hang in there....your photograph of your sweet kitty is fabulous (and i definitely consider that an artform!!). :))

  3. Hi- I found your blog thru Michelle Ward's, and I had to comment-- I love your artwork, and use of color! And, I can totally relate to your feelings about wanting to be "perfect" at things right off the bat, and the "anyone can do it" sort of philosophy... also, the fear of failure thing, too. I've had plenty of discussions about these topics with my therapist, actually! The perfection part of it is my upbringing, but the "anyone can do it" part is more of a self-defeating thing, meaning I usually think "if *I* can do it, it must not be that difficult, so therefore *anyone* can do it." Not really, though, because I know plenty of people who don't have a creative outlook on life, and they wouldn't even have the inclination to do the sorts of things I do... And, if we creative types feel strongly about what we're creating, the feeling will come across in the work. Anyway, that's the long version; the short version is don't sell your creativity short!