A finished painting

(edit: I took a better picture of this!)
This picture is a little blurry, but I F-I-N-A-L-L-Y
finished a painting for somebody else other than me.
I've had half done paintings just sitting,
letting fear overriding everything else.
I am still struggling, but had a nice talk with a friend the other day
and she demanded that I finish a painting!
She suggested that I treat paintings I make for other people
(and this is just family)
like I would if I were just "playing" in my art journal.
I let the fear of it not being good enough halt my creativity.
This is the watercolor before I added the ink.
A better representation of what it looks like.
I hated this painting for awhile.
I knew it needed more, but didn't know what.
Last night with a fresh state of mind I decided to Play.
I can't say this will always work, my Fear is great.
But I like the end result, and it got me out of my head.
(and into my heart!) teehehe.
A detail shot from my Music Book.
I played with gel and texture.
The lyrics by Ray LaMontagne, who speaks directly to my soul.
I get so tired staring at the walls,
weight so heavy and that mountain so tall.
Is there no one who will catch me if I fall?
Its more than I can take and wish I could fake it
or pretend like I don't know whats going on.
Somethings wrong, I'm trying to hold on,
just a little longer.
Thank you all for your support and encouragement on my last post.
I may not always write back, but I read them all, and each makes me smile.


Art Mentor

I have a wonderful, wonderful family.
A few weeks ago my aunt, who lives in NYC
and is a New Yorker in every way possible
AND works with artists as her career,
e-mailed me.
The title: "Art Mentor."
I was intrigued, and she basically said that she
has decided that I need an art mentor if I am going to sell my work...
(she holds steadfast to that about me, even if I don't)
She told me to stop doing my art journal pages
on both sides, basically told me that I need to get my shit together,
and that she was sending me a book to read.
I laughed as I read it, and wrote her back telling her she was QUITE bossy,
so now I am calling her Dictator MB.
A couple of days ago, I received this book.
I am about halfway through it and unsure how I feel about it.
It most definitely is interesting to read about artists
and the people who inspire them, especially Lewis Carroll.
Except, I don't know how this is going to inspire ME.
I wrote my aunt today telling her my thoughts so far,
and she wrote back "Its ok not to feel it.
What I want you to get from this is that you need inspiration,
to allow yourself to be eccentric if needed, or at least
be selfish about doing your art. You don't have to relate to any of them
but you do have to start immersing yourself in the pursuit of art.
So sayeth, MB"
I love this woman! Wise words, huh?
Also, my Nonni (my aunt's mom) is COMMISSIONING me!
Ok, so its my grandmother...but STILL. 
It is quite a project she has bestowed on me.
My family has gone through some rough times this past year,
and she said The Aunts (her 4 daughters) motto is "Onward,"
and she wants me to paint each of them a painting with
that word on it, and signed by me. lol.
She has explicitly stated that I am to keep track of how much
it costs for supplies and my worth because it is not an argument:
it is a sale.
I have some bossy women in my family!
I love, love love all my aunts.
They have all been mother figures for me in many different ways all my life.
This is such an honor.
Now if I can actually finish a project for another person, we'll be all set.
I have about a zillion unfinished projects that are for other people.
I can't do it. Fear? Probably.
And she wants this done in time so she can mail them for Christmas.
Help! I need inspiration, a kick in the ass, hugs, motivation....belief.
Oh, now that I've rambled for so long (sorry), here are a few things I 
have done in the past few days.
Oh Music Book, I've forgotten all about you.
You've sat on the shelf, sad and dusty.
Don't worry, I didn't completely forget--I have just been having a hard time.
Forgive me?
This is the first "piece" I have done in quite some time.
And in just a couple of evenings.
Record time.
I was browsing through Flickr and was inspired by
Bostinstuff's awesome work, which led me to Rettgrayson's awesome work.
Oh, the joys of Flickr!
Inspired by their use of color, and grid formatting
and a spontaneous idea to try and draw umbrellas (?)
this is what I came up with.
I needed it to be light and simple, so I took out my watercolor crayons.
Just a plain pencil and watercolor crayons and I kinda like it.
I am hoping oh so much that I am crawling out of that black hole.
I kinda need to...I've got family members bossing me around over here!
So please...I need some motivation and inspiration and belief that
I can pull off these paintings for my family.


I won!!!

I N-E-V-E-R win anything.
I seriously have the worst luck in the entire world.
I entered in my story of struggling with art
War of Art by Steven Pressfield.
And I won!
 I also got a wonderful halloween-themed card from
Eden, thanking me for support on her blog.
To me, it is not needed. She is amazing.
Her art is amazing!
Maybe this will help me out of my serious slump I'm in.
I've mostly been sleeping a lot.
I hope you stick around.


War of Art

I've heard about this book from quite a few
respected bloggers, and also the title just captures me.
I think of art a war for me.
It is a constant battle to believe I'm worthy, creative...etc.
I feel like I'm on a losing streak. 
posted a giveaway for this book.
Synchronicity at its best.
Plus she has the same exact music taste as me,
and well...that is always a bonus :)
So go over there and enter yourself to win this book!
(Or not, so I can...hehe)

PS: Thank you for your concern...I'm still in a rough spot,
and only time will tell how well I deal.
If I am away too long, feel free to come 
kick me in the ass.


Ugly Inside

Ever have something happen in which
all you want to do is nothing at all?
Except, its impossible.
You dont want to lay,
You don't want to watch tv,
You don't want to read,
You don't want to listen to your favorite music.
You certainly don't want to make art.
You want to scream and cry,
and yet...you stare at a wall?
This happened to me last week.
After staring at my wall and feeling only worse,
I decided I would take a piece of paper
and a pen and scribble (literally) out my thoughts.
Lots of swearing.
Lots of writing about how I kind of hate myself.
Pity party to the max.
Then, I forced myself to put it down in my journal.
I knew by throwing paint all over it
and being as angry and self-hating in the form of art
would make me feel better.
This wasn't easy, mind you...but I had few options.
Layer one. If you look closely you can see my writing.
I needed crimson and black, and scraped it furiously on the page.
A few more layers later...
The finished product, many layers later.
I wish you could really see all the colors that shine through.
I used all of my "ugly" colors, because that is how I feel.


Drawing Practice...

Want to see awful drawings?
I thought so.
I have been taking the lessons over at the
Wet Canvas Forums...
and its hard work,
and I suck!
reference photo (taken by me)

Actual drawing
first of all, horrible photo.
it is so blurry because i took it at night, indoors.
second of all, not one die is the same shape!!
third of all, the shading is atrocious
fourth of all, even though I wrote out all the lines so they hit the Vanishing Line,
there are a couple that are clearly incorrect.
I could go on, but I won't.

Ahh the (blurry, again) Chair Picture
I wrote my indiscretions right on the wall!
I really am struggling with posting this one, mainly because of its bluriness

Attempt one at drawing boxes in perspective.
The middle box is all sorts of messed up,
so I was asked to do it again!
There it is, again.
I was sick of these damn boxes, so I simplified it.
The perspective is at least correct.
Easier to understand in theory vs putting into practice.
 Ok, so I am editing this to say I wrote this
during a "pity party" moment!
Ha. I want to delete it, but I won't.
No one can be good all the time, right?


Free Art Course?

WIllow is offering a free art course!
I actually just found her through other bloggers
and her ning site looks pretty awesome.
You should take a look,
the course starts on Oct 18th
While we are checking out online classes,
I can't reccomend Julie Prichard's classes enough.
Her new one  Texture Town looks awesome.
I just have to find money! 
Since I don't know how to embed youtube video,
click on the link below to watch a preview.


Linky Love

Hi folks!
I am slowly working on some stuff,
but in the meantime, I thought I'd post some of my
favorite posts from other blogs I frequent :)
Barb at Craft Therapy
Janet at Just Me and My Art
talk about depression and art slumps.
Both of these topics I hold close to my heart.
I know the creative ride goes through its highs and lows,
but it can feel damaging, like it will never end.
Much like depression.
Trudi at Two Dresses Studio is doing an awesome project;
The Butterfly Effect. Go read and find out what it is.
I plan on doing it.
Creative Intentions at Courageously Creating
talks about Creativity and your health.

Hmm....there seems to be a theme in these links...
Hope you enjoy