Sketchbook Project 2012

Hi folks,

I've had a rough few months, but maybe see a tiny light poking

through the murky darkness I've been in.

What shocked me into realizing how much I was

spiraling was almost losing my job.

I've been at this company for 6.5 years.

I like everyone I work with, and it is a very good company

to work for overall.

I got written up TWICE in one week.

I have never been written up.

I cried and cried in my boss's office.

I thought that I was going to be out of a job,

and it scared the shit out of me.

My boss asked if I was suicidal (eep!!!)

She came and met with my therapist.

My boss is amazing.

She somehow believed in me when I couldn't.

She was willing to fight for me, stick with me,

when I could have been fired a long time ago.

I owe my life to her--and I mean that pretty literally.

So, for those who have been kind and sweet and

waited patiently for me to return, I thank you.

From the bottom of my heart.

I am oh so slowly starting to feel like doing art again.

Little things, in small increments.

Therapy has been a catalyst in inspiring me.

Listening to U2's "Running to Stand Still,"

(the entire song speaks to me)

I was inspired to paint this.

I brought it into therapy, and it took until the last 2 minutes

to show it. 

You know, its scary to show these vulnerable parts of you,

even if it is in painting form.

I explained that the river is the journey I'm on.

Its bumpy, and sort of dark.

The dark cloud pouring rain is how I feel most of the time.

And yet, at the bottom is this curious little bit.

Hearts. Hope. Light.

I originally was only going to do a small heart,

but ended up with three.

My therapist loved it.

She noticed how the hearts are connected,

that they may be smaller than the cloud,

but they still are a big part of the painting.

That the rain(tears) change once it hits the river.

Its funny how other people see what you do so differently.

My Nonni said that it is a bit "scary," but also       

  hopeful, like going from the unconscious to the conscious.

And, now onto the title of my post!

I gave up on my 2011 sketchbook, but I learned a lot.

I learned that I needed to pick a solid theme,

one where I knew I could keep a running idea throughout it.

"In Flight" didn't really work for me.

It was too broad, and I just did a hodgepodge of drawings.

Art House just announced the 2012 Sketchbook Project!!!

I now can pick out of any of the topics.

I now have a better idea of what I want/can do.

I now have more time to accomplish the project.

So, I signed up.

I'm proud of myself. I didn't deem myself a failure

because I didn't finish last year's.

I took it as a learning experience.

I am willing to try again.

If I don't finish it, then I don't.

But, I am starting 4 months earlier than before,

and I have a topic that I think suits me perfectly:

Fears and Tears

#1: I immediately thought of Tears for Fears, you know, the band

#2: This couldn't speak to what I am going through more perfectly.

I have so many fears, and the tears, well they come along with the territory.

What a great adjunct to therapy this will be.

I hope so at least.

30 Days of Play Winner!

Corner of Creative Chaos

You are the WINNER!!!!!

I will let Spooky know and have her contact you

Send me your e-mail address

to dawnraymond04atgmail.com

30 Days of Play

Hello friends.

Still in the trenches,

but I got a lovely offer from

Spooky to give away a spot

in her new Workshop!

Click here to read all about it.

The workshop opens this friday!!!

Please leave a comment if you would like to win a spot

in her Creative Sparks workshop.

I will pull a winner on Thursday evening.

Only getting worse...

Hey guys,

just a quick update since its almost been a month.

I am so tired of trying.

I got written up at work today, for substandard performance.

It is one step away from being fired.

How did this get like this?

How am I such a bad employee?

I'm so exhausted from crying,

and can't even turn to artwork when I feel like this.

My paints literally have dust on them.

So please, send me some good vibes.

My little man asleep in bubble wrap.

Thank You

I'm still in the dredges of crap, and haven't done much of anything,

BUT, thank you everyone who posts comments.

I don't always (ok...rarely) reply back,

but its not because I don't care.

Its because I'm lazy!!

(Its true)

I read all of the comments, and they make me smile.

So, know you ARE appreciated.

<3

Not much art going on...

Just wanted to send a quick update

so you all don't think I dropped off blogland-I haven't!

I just have been stuck.

I think it is a combination of my stupid work schedule,

actually feeling things (unpleasant things) in therapy

(I hate feeling!!!!),

depression rearing its stupid head,

and way too much sleep.

Lets just say that this weekend all I did was sleep,

and then go to work. At 5pm.

I even cancelled my weekly babysitting gig,

the one thing that makes me truly happy is seeing those kids.

But I had bad dreams all night, and at some point took out

my mouthguard thingy used to prevent clenching of my teeth.

I woke up with my entire face feeling swollen, my teeth/jaw aching,

and a headache. Not to mention exhausted...at 10:00am.

TOO EARLY FOR ME.

I am a night person, but working at 1pm I don't think is good for me.

I can not get out of bed in the mornings to do anything.

I am lucky to be awake at 11. Usually 11:30-12:00.

I don't go to the gym, or get out of bed.

Then I get home late at night, don't eat dinner

because who wants to cook that late?

And stay up until 2ish, in which I eventually take an ambien.

whew

I'm sorry if this is an overshare, but I feel constantly guilty

that I can't get myself to do anything--especially artwork.

I feel like I'm letting myself down, but also my readers.

You know, all 4 of you :)

The one nice thing about working late is that I have many hours

to do art, except it obviously can't be painting.

I've avoided that, but tonight I did work on my colored pencil project.

The magazine ad which inspired me

First work in progress

Second work in progress

Colored pencil is such a slow medium if you want to do it well,

and I am trying to do it well! 

I picked a difficult picture to try out for my first time...

but so far I haven't gotten discouraged.

This is all I can manage to do.

I just am so frustrated/mad at myself because creating art

is the first and only thing that I truly love.

Yet, I run from any commitments, 

struggle with creating artwork for anyone--which has only been my family,

and have zero discipline/motivation.

I feel as if I will never ever make this more than a hobby.

I don't think or expect to really be an Artist and make tons of money,

but maybe find a little niche somewhere.

How can that happen when I can barely do it for myself?

Post your Art on your walls

Two days in a row of posting!?

I don't know if its because I realized how much

I've been neglecting my art,

or the fact that I got up early today because of therapy,

OR because it was a good therapy session...

Either way, I came home and painted some more.

I looked through my very first art journal pages

and while I had less artistic knowledge,

they radiated true emotion and beauty.

Its been a LONG time since I've done that kind of art.

I think I miss it, and I think it was good for me.

So I hung up some of my old pages.

Sorry for the blurry pics, but my room isn't lit well

and I was too lazy to use a tripod. :)

It is wonderful to be surrounded by your own work,

work that inspires you, makes you smile when you see it.

If you haven't hung up your work (and obviously I did nothing fancy,

just used masking tape on old pages!), DO IT.

You won't regret it.

The Winter Blues

It seems all I want to do lately

is huddle under my covers

and do nothing.

The cold, gray days,

The fact that my (30th!!!!!) birthday is in a few days,

and my work schedule being all wacky, has gotten me in a funk.

I just would rather sleep than deal with life,

and my poor baby art journal has suffered.

In fact I haven't opened my paints

in over a month! 

Until tonight.

Maybe because it was 65 and sunny,

Maybe because I told myself all day I

WOULD paint tonight...either way,

I busted them out.

I was inspired by a lyric the other day and

actually felt like I wanted to put that image in my art journal.

Here is a pencil sketch in my moleskine.

My art journal page is in the making, so stay tuned!

In other news, I finally ordered Andrea's 'Zine.

This is just a small glimpse of her work.

The zine is just filled with awesome drawings,

words and colors. I seriously could pore over it

with a magnifying glass (and it is needed, since there are teeny tiny words)

for hours. I am so glad I have her work that I can

just flip to whenever I want to be awed.

This is sort of a horrible picture, because the left side

is super light, and that is where the light is,

and the right side is dark (and more blue).

BUT, I saw this ad in a magazine and just knew

I needed to try and draw it.

Why do I feel compelled to draw these detailed things?

I perservered, and erased...and erased, but came up

with a sketch I liked.

Then I thought that this was a perfect drawing

to really try out colored pencils.

Like, serious trying...no willy nilly coloring!

I transferred my sketch onto tracing paper,

and transferred that onto Bristol Vellum paper.

I've done extensive colored pencil research because it fascinates me,

and Vellum is a cheap and good paper to use with CP's.

Colored pencils is a s-l-o-w medium.

This part you see? A good hour and a half!

And I am just a baby beginner...but it is fun

and so different than any other medium I use.

I have to consciously think of my color choices

ahead of time, layer very lightly,

layer some more...

and then some more.

I thought this would be fun because of the lack of colors.

It is overwhelming when you have an entire rainbow

of colors at your hand, but don't really know how to use them.

This just requires grays, dark blues and white.

So, keep watching for updates on this.

That is, if I can get out of my winter blues

Giveaway Winner and Linky Love!

Hello, friends!
I'm so glad to see some new faces commenting. 

Each and every comment made my heart smile, so thank you.

Now: For the winner...*insert drumroll*

 acryingshamex!!!

Woohooo!!! Congrats.

E-mail me at dawnraymond04(at)gmail(dot)com

Linky Love!!

Kelly Rae: Letter to Self: I've heard of Kelly Rae before, but was

re-introduced to her blog this week. Oh, the beauty and inspiration!

All I can say is, I wish I could believe like she does.

Violette: Her blog is full of color and magic and imagination.

Jane Davenport: Oohh..her blog is oodles of fun.

She uses color beautifully, and loves color pencils! 

My kinda gal :)

Kristin: Kristin from Journaling Saves

Lots of interviews and goodies on why journaling 

is good for the mind and soul.

Jane Davies: Lots of beautiful artwork and tutorials.

I'm thinking about doing a letter to myself,

to be opened at some time later...but it scares me.

What will I put? Dreaming is frightening,

mainly because I don't want to fail.

More drawing practice...

REMINDER: Only three more days left to 

leave your comment on the previous post 

and win "Art Stamping Workshop" by Gloria Page!!!

 

I pray that its just the winter and that

I am an extraordinarily lazy person...

because I have been sleeping SO MUCH.

Last weekend I slept, and worked on this painting.

I won't even tell you how many hours it took

to draw all those boxes in perspective,

and there are a ton of errors still!

I didn't color the inside of the boxes because 

I was sick of it at that point.

Still. I am proud of how it turned out.

This has been my next drawing project.

I've worked on this for awhile now.

TIP: Do your sketches on tracing paper. It is cheap and very erasable.

Tonight I opened photoshop and placed my sketch

next to the actual picture.

I think seeing them side by side (and on screen)

will help me correct some of the proportion/shape errors.

And this kitty sketch is only about 2 hours into it!

I know I am not really going to make the likeness of Jack,

but I DO want to make it look like a kitten.

Big ears, small adorable face.

We shall see.

Leave a comment, win a book!

I was thinking to myself,

"Self, how many people do you think read your blog?"

And I answered myself,

"Well, Self...I don't know. I have 25 followers, so at least 25 people do!"

But I also get comments from new people.

How did they find me?!

SO....GIVEAWAY TIME!!!

I've had this lovely book on my bookshelf, collecting dust.

This was HARD, as I am reluctant to let go of my precious books.

This was my first Art book.

My first foray into this crazy land of painting and journaling,

and loving (almost) every minute of it.

Gloria Page shows you how to make your own stamps,

and has MANY projects with awesome, upclose pictures

depicting all the different techniques.

Not only that, there are pages at the end of the book where you can

copy, enlarge, use to make your own stamps!

The only thing I ask of you is this.

Please leave a comment on my blog, and tell me how you found me.

And if you feel so desired (this is extra), tell me what you like or don't like.

I am genuinely curious.

I will have this giveaway open until next Sunday, the 23rd at 8:00pm.

I will then randomly pick out the winner and post it on my blog!!

Wooo! So if there are any lurkers, come out of hiding :)

Plus, I'll probably throw in a few little goodies here and there.

Acceptance

A stomach virus wiped me out for most of last week.

My "schedule" to finish my Sketchbook came to a screeching halt.

Art House actually extended the deadline to Tuesday,

but I am not sending it in.

My dear friend Sophie will be sad, but thats ok.

I learned A LOT through doing this.

See, even sickness preoccupied my sketchbook!

(I love my Canada Dry symbol)

I learned that I need to come up with a more focused plan.

I chose In Flight as a theme, with the idea

that I would show my journey through the art world in my Sketchbook.

Sounds good in theory, but means that I meandered.

A lot.

Eden performed spectacularly. 

I want to have more structure next time.

Either stay with one media, or do the same type of drawings...

I don't know yet.

I also know I am going to sign up for it earlier.

I signed up as soon as I found out last year,

but many themes were already gone.

Maybe if I find a theme that really calls out to me

I will be more inspired.

I also learned that it is OK that I didn't finish.

That may not seem like a big deal,

but for me it is.

I am quick to see myself as a fraud, a failure.

I was tempted to do that when I (again) didn't finish a project.

I decided that this was a great learning experience for me.

There are many pages I don't like, or are only half finished.

I just don't want to put that out into the world,

but I will be that much better next year!

I'm still going to finish the Sketchbook,

because there are many things  I do love about it.

Sketchbook Project Update

I had pretty much given up any hope that I was going to finish

my Sketchbook Project by the 15th.

I lost all steam after my trip to Kansas in September.

What was I thinking that I could do this?

This is dumb, who is going to see and care about this?

I did some stuff here and there, but left a lot of partially done pages.

These two drawings have been in pencil for months.

I originally did them because I was practicing drawing Legos

for a little boy I babysit for.

I was going to make him a painting, which has been sitting

half done for just as long. I sort of hate it.

Sophie, an 8 year old I babysit (little boy's sister) for

is my best supporter.

A few days ago she saw me working in the sketchbook 

and goes "Oh yeah! How many pages do you have left?"

I sheepishly looked at her and went 

"Ummm...a lot. And I haven't finished a lot of pages too.

There is no way I am going to get this done in time."

She demanded to see my Sketchbook, to which I obliged.

She marveled at my most recent drawing

My mom gave me this bizarre bird pen for Christmas,

so I brought it to work--and all the kids love it.

Sophie was amazed at how good it was and says,

"Dawn, you must be one of the BEST drawers in all of Virginia!

You have to finish this in time. You only have 9 days. Tonight

I want you to draw this pepsi bottle, and start finishing those pages."

Yep, all of this coming from an 8 year old.

She boosts my ego even though I know I am not even 

close to being one of the best drawers in Virginia!

So, I listened to Sophie.

When I saw her the next day, I showed her the sketch, which she loved.

Her next project for me to tackle was finishing ALL of my unfinished pages

(hasn't happened yet), along with drawing a Sharpie

and scissors that were on my desk.

I couldn't help but to listen and oblige.

Not finished yet, I still have to color it in.

Of course she gives me all circular objects!

Drawing circles in perspective (aka: ellipses) is HARD.

I then worked on old pages, because she asked so sweetly.

How can you let a kid down?

These spreads were unfinished since September.

We went on a Party Bus, and yes it did catch on fire

(not while we were in it),

and yes it did get caught up in a high speed police chase

(also not while we were in it).

I also got an entire beer poured all over me

by someone who was drunk and walking around a moving bus.

NOT COOL.

This page was inspired by a pair of hairbands

sitting on my bathroom counter that I 

found to be in an interesting pattern.

Funny the things that strike you.

This spread was fun.

I had previously Gesso'ed these pages,

and watercolor on top of gesso gives out an interesting texture.

The gesso is very non-porous. and I really like the effect.

That website is real! It has a step-by-step demo

on how to draw a marble and color it in with colored pencils.

Mine looks horrible in comparison, but I do like it.

I'm not sure if I didn't press hard enough,

or if it was the paper.

Lastly, I am trying to draw my cat, Jack,

from when he was a wee babe.

As you can see, its not very good!
Sure it looks like a cat...but thats about it.

Any seasoned drawers out there want to give me some pointers?

Also, while this is in my Sketchbook, I also am

drawing this for the Sketchbook Challenge

Each month for the year, this blog puts out a theme,

and you can make as many sketches that fit that theme.

They even have a flickr group!

It seems lots of people are participating in this challenge.

I really want to try and expand my drawing skills this year,

and I know myself well enough that I am going to need

a little motivation.

I so hope this is it. It looks like fun!

No day but today

Hello fellow bloggers.

I've been a bad blogger of late, but I blame it on the holidays!

I've been working on my Sketchbook,

but there is no way it will get finished by the Jan 15th deadline.

Oh well.

I will finish it though. I need to take updated pictures

so I can show you guys.

I had a friend in town for NYE and she asked for a painting.

My only requirement was purples and reds,

and song lyrics from Rent.

I thought about it for a few days.

I knew I wanted to experiment more with my watercolors and ink.

From there, I wasn't sure.

So, I went through my supplies, and my little star templates stood out.

I sat down with my Sketchbook, the stars and a pencil.

A few sketches later, I decided on this layout you see above.

Next was the fun part, outlining it in ink (Micron), and detailing.

Once that part was done, I got to play with my watercolors.

I've read a lot about color theory, but when it comes down to it

I just like to mix my favorite colors and see what happens.

From here I just added layers of color until I liked what I saw.

Not very technical, but I love the outcome :)

Holidays are O-V-E-R!

WHEW.

I don't have my own family (as in marriage/kids),

but the gift buying/wrapping/driving 9 hours/spending time with family

is tiring and emotionally draining.

This year, I had the 4 paintings for my Aunts that needed to be done

by Christmas as well.

OH MY.

The pressure I put on myself was too much.

I kept thinking and worrying about what my aunts would want,

what they would like.

What would look good hanging in their house,

even though I haven't even been in all their houses,

or feel like I know them as well as I "should" to be able to paint them something.

Brooklyn Bridge

This one, for my Aunt who lives in NYC took me the longest,

was the hardest, and was the most rewarding in the end.

She is SUCH a New Yorker through and through

and I wanted that conveyed through the painting for her.

My original plan was to do a NYC skyline, 

with the Brooklyn Bridge in front of it.

The lights aglow at night, with them shining into the water.

I did sketches, and realized how much I can NOT draw.

But after many sketches, I got a vague hint of how I wanted to draw it.

Translating onto canvas worked out well enough.

Then I tried painting my "vision," and I hated it.

It just wasn't me at all. I was trying to make

this painting look more realistic vs abstract,

and I just am not good enough to make it look well-done.

Next, I worked on my Aunt's painting who lives in Arizona.

Somehow, I forgot to take a picture of this!!! GRRRRRR.

Lets just use our imaginations, shall we? :)

I had a thought that I would have a flower as the central focus,

but with fun, happy colors. 

Colors that remind me of Arizona, and my Aunt,

who is bubbly and happy and positive.

Since my "vision" was more abstract,

I decided to just throw down those colors that reminded me of her and AZ.

Crimson. Teal. Orange. Yellow. Red.

LOVE

I poured paint on a canvas, smooshed it around

and already loved it more than the other painting I had been laboring on.

*I wish I had the picture. I am going to hopefully get one from my Nonni*

EPIPHANY!!!

I immediately loved this painting because it involved my favorite colors,

more abstract technique and I thought,

"Hmmm...maybe I need to stop worrying about what they will think,

but what makes me happy."

This is hard for me--but it was irrefutable proof that it made my artwork better.

The painting above is the result of that.

1,000 times better than what it was.

A little further onward, lend thy guiding hand to these dark steps

a little further on--John Milton

For my Aunt who lost her husband to cancer in May.

She's going through such a hard time, that I hope this quote can ease her pain a little.

For my Aunt that I feel like I know the least.

Hers was hard, and this was the first one completed--

before my ephiphany; therefore I like it the least.

My cousin told me she likes pinks and browns,

so that is all that I had to go on.

I am happy the holidays are over.

I am hoping 2011 will resolve in more focus on artwork

and what I want to do with it,

and less on spiraling into depressions and avoiding art when I should be embracing it.

Failing at Creativity

Sigh. 

You wouldn't think someone could fail at creativity,

but I am pretty sure I do.

These paintings are for my aunts, for Christmas.

My Nonni asked me to do them in OCTOBER.

They should have been mailed like 3 days ago.

Failure.

I bought the canvases about a month ago because I felt so guilty

for not having started.

A few weeks ago my Nonni told me I should probably unwrap them.

A week later, I did.

I did these paintings in the various forms as they are in 

one inspired saturday.

Every single day this week, what did I do?

Oh, laid in bed. Because THAT is the productive

way to spend my evenings.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Also, not to mention my Sketchbook, for the Sketchbook Project.
I still have about 40% left to acomplish before Jan 15.
yeah right.
My peak with that was when I traveled to Kansas
to visit a friend. I've half-drawn some stuff here and there,
but blech. I was so excited for this, and now I want
to throw it in the trash.

No more Haul-idays

Chronicle books announced their winner today,

and sadly it wasn't me.

Its ok, because I wasn't really expecting to win.

I've been a bad blogger, I'm sorry.

I am working on paintings for my aunts

which seem like they will NOT be done by christmas.

I finally actually started working on them last week,

and I'm in progress on all 4, but they probably need to be

at my Nonni's in two days. That is so not going to happen.

I also need to make a journal for my little cousin.

I'm not sure how I should do it, and whenever I make my own journals,

the stitching is always way too loose--no matter how much I pull

the strings taught :(

Plus, its so cold out!!!

All I want to do (and it usually wins) is curl up under my covers.

Want to win $500 worth of books?

 I thought so!

Chronicle Books is giving away a stash of books worth up to $500

to one lucky reader. Not only that, but it is YOUR book selection!

NOT ONLY THAT, but if you comment here (and like what you see)

you can win a copy of my list of books too!!!

How awesome is that? 

If you comment and you want to put this in your blog

(and unless you don't like books *gasp*, you should)

I will comment on yours! I like to increase chances of winning things :)

So here goes...my much debated list:

Handmade Nation: The rise of DIY Art, Craft and Design

Reprodepot Pattern Book: FLORA: 225 vintage-inspired  textile designs

The Paper Marbling Kit: Materials, Techniques and Projects

Graffiti Art Coloring Book  (Umm..AWESOME!)

Music Listography:Your Life in (play) Lists

Lennon Legend: An Illustrated Life of John Lennon

The Exquisite Book: 100 Artists Play a Collaborative Game (one of the artists is Dave Eggers...and I L-O-V-E his writing. Please read What is the What)

Sketchbooks: The Hidden Art of Designers, Illustrators, and Creatives

Angaza Afrika: African Art Now  (isn't the cover just lovely?)

Street Sketchbook: Inside the Journals of International Street and Grafitti Artists

Rex Ray: Art + Design

Patterns: New Surface Designs

1,000 Journals Project

Artist's Color Manual: The Complete Guide to Working with Color

Stencil 101 Decor

Paper Cutting: Contemporary Artists, Timeless Craft

WHEW! That took awhile.

In my next post I will talk about all the art I am not making.